WARNING: This post contains politically, culturally and racially impolite language and should not be read by anyone unless you have nothing better to do.
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What's the height of craziness? Looking through the keyhole of a glass door? Or buying shampoo for a bald man? I dont know, but I just did the second. But that's besides the point as far as this post goes. Anyways.
Before I came to MICA, I never quite ran into so many different people from so many different cultures around the country. The odd Sindhi or Sardar apart, most of my peer group comprised largely of Gujjus and Mallus alone. But seven months at this asylum, and I have observed few traits among the different communities here. Let me share the same with you. (Pardon me for the politically incorrect language and possible hurt to your sentiments. I have tried to live up to the democratic traditions of India and have attempted at not leaving out any prominent community.)
1. You can take a Mallu out of Kerala, but you can't take Kerala out of a Mallu - witness the admin office here.
2. The table manners of a South Indian are inversely proportional to the amount of grub on the table.
3. Three omellettes, butter toast and a glass of milk is a 'light' breakfast for a Punju.
4. All Marathis support the Shiv Sena. The more sectarian ones vote it.
5. Intervention and indiscretion are Bengali by origin.
6. The only way to make a first-generation Mallu speak accentless Hindi is to open his mouth wide open, pull out the incisors, staple his tongue and hope that the man says his lines right.
7. The general unrest in Bihar is a function of the upset tummies of Biharis.
8. A Gujju is to English what Osama is to America.
9. Expletives indicating incest come more easily to a Punju than oil and sacred thread to a TamBram.
10.The single biggest threat to the aquatic population of India is a Bengali.
11.The total number of honest, well-behaved, good-humoured, presentable persons with a taste for good things in life from Jharkhand, is one. And he is in MICA currently.
12.A Tamilian's idea of fun is a sad joke.
13.UPites have more knowledge than the rest of India put together. It's like their kids, you know.
14.When they talk of the cancer in the society, they are more often than not referring to Mallus.
15.There is no point selling widescreen televisions to Chinks. Their normal resolution of all things viewable is already 1024*512 pixels.
Enough scavengering culture for today.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Cul-de-sac
Ever faced a situation when you have hell to pay, but no change? Well, I am in that kind of a soup right now.
A penalty group assignment is due first thing in the morning tomorrow. And group here effectively means me, because the other two are surfing the waves in Diu while the third guy is a lost cause anyway. Ordinarily I am not the kind to mind it - in fact doing things my way puts me at ease. In this case however, I have nothing - repeat, nothing at all - at hand to put on paper. I have searched the net like crazy but to no avail. The library too is not likely to be of much use - the nature of the assignment is such. So that leaves me with one option, as is the wont at MICA - to fill up pages with hot air borne out of my own intuition. But its not a nice feeling at all. Its like mounting a military operation without guns.
They say you can't bullsh*t your way through life. I'll find out tomorrow.
A penalty group assignment is due first thing in the morning tomorrow. And group here effectively means me, because the other two are surfing the waves in Diu while the third guy is a lost cause anyway. Ordinarily I am not the kind to mind it - in fact doing things my way puts me at ease. In this case however, I have nothing - repeat, nothing at all - at hand to put on paper. I have searched the net like crazy but to no avail. The library too is not likely to be of much use - the nature of the assignment is such. So that leaves me with one option, as is the wont at MICA - to fill up pages with hot air borne out of my own intuition. But its not a nice feeling at all. Its like mounting a military operation without guns.
They say you can't bullsh*t your way through life. I'll find out tomorrow.
20 Things that make a MICAn
For anybody who has been to MICA, it is hard not to have an opinion on its students.
This post is for them and others who don't know what the primary inhabitants of MICA are like. Aspirants, recruiters, fellow B-schoolers, faculty and industry professionals - this post is your window towards knowing the species known as MICAns better. So here are 20 essential things you should know about MICAns.
1. He pfaffs. Period.
2. His number-crunching ability is matched only by the elephant's ability to stand on its trunk and do a triple-somersault.
3. His finance fundamentals are far more f***ed than any prostitute in Kamatipura or Sonagachi.
4. His Kotler textbook has only one P of marketing - Promotion.
5. His laptop is his only true friend.
6. He attends lectures when he's not in the mood to sleep.
7. He loathes his faculty and walks out of class when the old guy gets unbearable.
8. He is either bald or has longer tresses than his girlfriend.
9. He pisses off visiting faculties not only by his intellectual impotence but also by being indifferent to it.
10. He parties hard - so hard that he doen't get a hard on at the end of it.
11. He snacks at a place which is worse than a roadside kiosk run by a slimy Bania in Bundelkhand.
12. He blogs, orkuts and messages more frequently than he pees.
13. Half of him chases grades with a vengeance that puts Shoaib Akhtar's quest for pace to shame.
14. The other half of him just couldn't care less about grades.
15. He is latched on to the cell-phone in the evenings, even if the network has come apart.
16. He has the best curves in his armoury - whether its gals or Table Tennis skills.
17. He knows the name of more Chhagdawalas (six-seater autowalas) than his faculty.
18. He has seen more movies than the cover pages of his textbooks.
19. He goes to the air-conditioned library to sleep during the summers.
20. He has activity groups that resemble a kindergarten class.
Of course, this is a sarcastic take on how things are here. For all its faults, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but MICA.
This post is for them and others who don't know what the primary inhabitants of MICA are like. Aspirants, recruiters, fellow B-schoolers, faculty and industry professionals - this post is your window towards knowing the species known as MICAns better. So here are 20 essential things you should know about MICAns.
1. He pfaffs. Period.
2. His number-crunching ability is matched only by the elephant's ability to stand on its trunk and do a triple-somersault.
3. His finance fundamentals are far more f***ed than any prostitute in Kamatipura or Sonagachi.
4. His Kotler textbook has only one P of marketing - Promotion.
5. His laptop is his only true friend.
6. He attends lectures when he's not in the mood to sleep.
7. He loathes his faculty and walks out of class when the old guy gets unbearable.
8. He is either bald or has longer tresses than his girlfriend.
9. He pisses off visiting faculties not only by his intellectual impotence but also by being indifferent to it.
10. He parties hard - so hard that he doen't get a hard on at the end of it.
11. He snacks at a place which is worse than a roadside kiosk run by a slimy Bania in Bundelkhand.
12. He blogs, orkuts and messages more frequently than he pees.
13. Half of him chases grades with a vengeance that puts Shoaib Akhtar's quest for pace to shame.
14. The other half of him just couldn't care less about grades.
15. He is latched on to the cell-phone in the evenings, even if the network has come apart.
16. He has the best curves in his armoury - whether its gals or Table Tennis skills.
17. He knows the name of more Chhagdawalas (six-seater autowalas) than his faculty.
18. He has seen more movies than the cover pages of his textbooks.
19. He goes to the air-conditioned library to sleep during the summers.
20. He has activity groups that resemble a kindergarten class.
Of course, this is a sarcastic take on how things are here. For all its faults, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but MICA.
Vision and Mission
Pfaff is currency at MICA. Who gasses, wins!
Over the last one week, Vision & Mission of organizations has been a recurring theme. Apparently, organizations have Vision statements that aim at 'providing complete retail transportation solutions' to 'integrating technology into every sphere of life to make life simple' (sic) to 'equip every desk with a personal computer'. Going by all that load of bull, there surely must be some company with a vision to grow greenhouse plants on Mars using the latest, non-invasive, clean, organic technology to meet the epicurean tastes of earthlings! I bet!
Why can't they keep it simple, and state the obvious. Every company has one VISION: To make ugly amounts of money for as long as possible. As for MISSION: To make money immediately. The nature of business is just a mode of operation opted for based on market need, your own competencies and timing. So why beat around the bush when what you mean is cash, now and forever. Life is so simple, you see.
Anyways. Talking of this blog, don't be harbour any misconceptions. Let me state for you the noble aims that this blog seeks to achieve.
VISION: To provide an outlet of expression to a schizophrenic soul caught in the back of beyond in his own backyard (ya, MICAns should get this!) with nobody to share his worthless thoughts with.
MISSION: To implement the vision in a manner that evokes more and more web views from others every day.
Know what, this post is a must for all Corporate Communication guys around the world.
Over the last one week, Vision & Mission of organizations has been a recurring theme. Apparently, organizations have Vision statements that aim at 'providing complete retail transportation solutions' to 'integrating technology into every sphere of life to make life simple' (sic) to 'equip every desk with a personal computer'. Going by all that load of bull, there surely must be some company with a vision to grow greenhouse plants on Mars using the latest, non-invasive, clean, organic technology to meet the epicurean tastes of earthlings! I bet!
Why can't they keep it simple, and state the obvious. Every company has one VISION: To make ugly amounts of money for as long as possible. As for MISSION: To make money immediately. The nature of business is just a mode of operation opted for based on market need, your own competencies and timing. So why beat around the bush when what you mean is cash, now and forever. Life is so simple, you see.
Anyways. Talking of this blog, don't be harbour any misconceptions. Let me state for you the noble aims that this blog seeks to achieve.
VISION: To provide an outlet of expression to a schizophrenic soul caught in the back of beyond in his own backyard (ya, MICAns should get this!) with nobody to share his worthless thoughts with.
MISSION: To implement the vision in a manner that evokes more and more web views from others every day.
Know what, this post is a must for all Corporate Communication guys around the world.
Marry-go-round
Marriages, they say, are made in heaven. Maybe. But bones are broken on Earth. Especially so when its the small matter of cross-community matrimony.
For some strange reason ever since I've groped my way through to MICA, I've run into countless instances of cross-community love waiting to be metamorphed into wedlock. Apart from the classic forbidden case of Hindu-Muslim love, I've been exposed to Hindu-Christian and Hindu-Sikh bonding. In all these five cases, parental and communal pressure works overtime to prevent what would ordinarily be the simple act of two individuals coming together. So much so that one of the weaker-minded lovers ended up consuming poison, not dying and lying in hospital with more sh*t coming her way. In another case, plans are underfoot to quietly elope, and leave their poor parents to suffer the ignominy of social backlash and ridicule. In all cases, the couples concerned are perennially in a state of depression borne from incessant brainstorming for a way out of the abyss they find themselves in.
It's sad. If you aren't socially free to marry the person of your choice, how does the passing of laws to that effect by 542 louts sitting in a colonial relic called the Parliament help? It just ain't fair. But then, life's not fair.
For some strange reason ever since I've groped my way through to MICA, I've run into countless instances of cross-community love waiting to be metamorphed into wedlock. Apart from the classic forbidden case of Hindu-Muslim love, I've been exposed to Hindu-Christian and Hindu-Sikh bonding. In all these five cases, parental and communal pressure works overtime to prevent what would ordinarily be the simple act of two individuals coming together. So much so that one of the weaker-minded lovers ended up consuming poison, not dying and lying in hospital with more sh*t coming her way. In another case, plans are underfoot to quietly elope, and leave their poor parents to suffer the ignominy of social backlash and ridicule. In all cases, the couples concerned are perennially in a state of depression borne from incessant brainstorming for a way out of the abyss they find themselves in.
It's sad. If you aren't socially free to marry the person of your choice, how does the passing of laws to that effect by 542 louts sitting in a colonial relic called the Parliament help? It just ain't fair. But then, life's not fair.
Giving Back to Society
Giving back to the society. Fancy term.
Why should I give back to the society? What did it give me in the first place?
My parents gave me a name. They met all my needs - emotional and material. They moulded me into the person I am. I created an identity for myself - what I think, say and do makes me what I am. Frankly, I PAID - financially and otherwise - my way through the social construct. Hullo, where does benign society come into the picture?
Did it give me citizenship? Yes it did, and bound me forever to a nationality. Did it give me a democratic government? Yes it did, and saw to it that incompetent leaders ruled common people like me and left us to wallow in our misery. Did it give me an executive? Yes it did, and ensured that babus were a law onto themselves. Society gives people everything what they own but makes them feel indebted for it. Society enslaves. Society pulls you down when you are on a high. To cut the crap, society never makes a difference - individuals do.
So why should I give back to the society? Have I not been sinned against more than I've sinned?
That doesn't mean I won't 'give back to the society.' But that won't be borne out of a social obligation. Instead, it will be rooted in empathy and love for a class of people. Patriotism, a la Swades? Maybe. But no social obligation please. It's already in overdraft with respect to me.
Why should I give back to the society? What did it give me in the first place?
My parents gave me a name. They met all my needs - emotional and material. They moulded me into the person I am. I created an identity for myself - what I think, say and do makes me what I am. Frankly, I PAID - financially and otherwise - my way through the social construct. Hullo, where does benign society come into the picture?
Did it give me citizenship? Yes it did, and bound me forever to a nationality. Did it give me a democratic government? Yes it did, and saw to it that incompetent leaders ruled common people like me and left us to wallow in our misery. Did it give me an executive? Yes it did, and ensured that babus were a law onto themselves. Society gives people everything what they own but makes them feel indebted for it. Society enslaves. Society pulls you down when you are on a high. To cut the crap, society never makes a difference - individuals do.
So why should I give back to the society? Have I not been sinned against more than I've sinned?
That doesn't mean I won't 'give back to the society.' But that won't be borne out of a social obligation. Instead, it will be rooted in empathy and love for a class of people. Patriotism, a la Swades? Maybe. But no social obligation please. It's already in overdraft with respect to me.
Escaping VFs
Strange are the ways of management education.
At MICA, visiting faculties come in all sizes - from 34 B to 42 XL. Many are good, but most are pathetic. Today we have for the second time in three days, a below-par PPT parrot standing in the well of the class and reading out slides. Some of us students, in a not-too-subtle way of feedback, open our laptops and furiously type away in gay abandon. Others study for a test that is ostensibly scheduled in the next lecture. Still others try and get some sleep. So when somebody cross-questions the man in question, it is nothing short of a surprise. Wow! someone is awake!
The only takeaway I garner from these VF sessions is that corporate India is full of dumbsters. Yippee, I have a future!
At MICA, visiting faculties come in all sizes - from 34 B to 42 XL. Many are good, but most are pathetic. Today we have for the second time in three days, a below-par PPT parrot standing in the well of the class and reading out slides. Some of us students, in a not-too-subtle way of feedback, open our laptops and furiously type away in gay abandon. Others study for a test that is ostensibly scheduled in the next lecture. Still others try and get some sleep. So when somebody cross-questions the man in question, it is nothing short of a surprise. Wow! someone is awake!
The only takeaway I garner from these VF sessions is that corporate India is full of dumbsters. Yippee, I have a future!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Nonconformism Unwrapped
Let me tell you why this blog is called 'The Nonconformist.'
Fact is that it wasn't long ago when I had these notions of not subscribing to established norms of mass culture, beliefs, actions et al. That was until I landed at MICA, where nobody conforms to anything at all - be it class timings, mess food, course material or fidelity in sleeping around.
Hence the name sounds absurd now to those who know me better. After all, I am one of the more conforming types in this asylum. But then who sits on judgement over what is nonconformism and what isn't? Is my nonconformism the same as yours? Is it derived from yours? Does it match yours in terms of intensity and execution?
My signature on my mail ids says “If there is someone a nonconformist hates more than a conformist, it is a nonconformist who does not conform to his brand of non-conformism.” Truer words were never spoken.
Fact is that it wasn't long ago when I had these notions of not subscribing to established norms of mass culture, beliefs, actions et al. That was until I landed at MICA, where nobody conforms to anything at all - be it class timings, mess food, course material or fidelity in sleeping around.
Hence the name sounds absurd now to those who know me better. After all, I am one of the more conforming types in this asylum. But then who sits on judgement over what is nonconformism and what isn't? Is my nonconformism the same as yours? Is it derived from yours? Does it match yours in terms of intensity and execution?
My signature on my mail ids says “If there is someone a nonconformist hates more than a conformist, it is a nonconformist who does not conform to his brand of non-conformism.” Truer words were never spoken.
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